The Week by Week Progression of a Crazy Person

Now that you know about the mini Foley, I figured I'd catch you up on the "excitement" of the last few months. I have a theory that the real reason they tell you not to announce your pregnancy during the first trimester is because you'll only have bad things to say and if everyone else heard how bad it was, they wouldn't do it.  It's a ploy.  So anyway, sorry about some negativity in here, but not all women "glow," and if they do, they forget to tell you that "glowing" feels like getting hit by a bus.

Also, I promise to blog about things other than this pregnancy because I remember what it's like to not be pregnant (barely) and I know this gets old really fast.

***

Week 5: I feel normal and I'm optimistic that nothing can slow me down.  Yay, pregnancy is easy.

Week 6: I have an aversion to life.  I will never eat anything again.  I am genuinely surprised there aren't more 1-child families.

Week 7:  Baby and I may both have webbed toes with the number of baths I have to take these days. Also, you know that feeling when you can't get your feet out of the blankets and you feel like you're going to die of claustrophobia?  Times that by a billion and that = pregnancy.

Week 8: I don't think I'll ever stop working because I need to save up so I can adopt my other children.  I guess I should mention that modern medicine is an awesome thing though.  Give me all the pills.  Is there a movement for highly medicated pregnancies?  I would like to be a part of that.

Week 9: Nope, I will never stop complaining.  Never.  Scott says I will forget all about this, but I've got that 9/11 "We will never forget" poster burned into my mind.

Week 9: Yes, we have two week 9's because I found out I'm further behind than we thought.  As you can imagine, that was not the most welcome news.  I feel less like I'll die in my sleep now though, and we got to see an ultrasound so that was pretty cool.

Week 10:  There was a moment this week where I decided to clean my bathroom and I thought, "I feel normal."  It was suspicious and awesome.

Week 11:  Eating has become such a chore.  Every two hours, my stomach reminds me that if I don't consume something immediately, I will pay the ultimate price. I think "This....AGAIN?" all day every day.

Week 12: I'm kind of a none-of-your-business kind of person, so announcing my pregnancy feels very invasive.  Especially when people claim they already knew.  Are you hiding in the bushes outside my house or what?  *Insert eyeroll.  Pregnancy has decreased my tolerance for annoyance unfortunately.

Week 13: Things are getting better.  I forget I'm pregnant a lot, which is a good sign. Unfortunately I also forget to take my pills and then my memory gets a lot better.

Week 14: We got our first baby gift and that was pretty jarring.  You mean at some point there will be a small human wearing these pajamas?  What?

Week 15: We've told a few more people about the pregnancy now, but it has not gotten any less awkward. Also, my mom brought us some pickles and ice cream as a joke but...I have no desire to eat either, so Scott ate them all.  Pregnancy has been really rough on him.

Week 16: My doctor called me at 5:00 on a Friday afternoon and left me a message to call her back, which at that point I couldn't do until Monday.  This was a few days after my genetic testing, and I was not expecting a phone call unless something was wrong, so that was...not nice.  Let's not call unstable patients after 12:00 pm on Fridays ok?

Week 17: This week I sulked because the zika virus ruined my babymoon vacation plans.  Sniff.  As we scrambled to make other plans, Scott suggested we ride in a helicopter somewhere.  He said, "It'll be just like The Bachelor!" which raised my spirits and made me laugh because the thought of a crazy pregnant person on The Bachelor is not that far-fetched.

Coming Soon

In case I have some blog readers who aren't friends with me on Facebook (*crickets*), now is the time to reveal that shortly after our 5th anniversary this June, I will be welcoming an epidural and subsequently a child into the world!  We are equal parts terrified and thrilled.  Actually, probably more terror for me and more thrill for Scott.

I found out I was pregnant a long time ago while Scott was on a foreign business trip.  It seemed lame to tell him over Skype, so I opted to wait.  Normally I don't blow my nose without his knowledge, so the delayed surprise announcement almost drove me to insanity.  I remember talking to him on the phone while he was away and lying through my teeth saying, "You haven't missed much."

Once he got home, I decided to make a sign and put it in the future child's room in our house and then somehow trick him into going there (easier said than done, no one sets foot in that room ever).  Anyway, I'd show you the sign, but I have a strict no-pregnancy-test-photo policy as far as online postings go. When he came home, I acted bizarre, told him I had a surprise for him (to which he responded, "Is it a pile of money?" ... ...), and I sent him in there and filmed it, and it was awesome.

The last 4+ months have been about as you'd expect them to be when an alien has hijacked your mid-regions.*  We now refer to my body as a haunted house because it's inhabited by a small demon ghost that floats around terrorizing my organs.  I find discussion of these things interesting, but mostly disgusting, so this blog will be a safe zone for everyone involved.  No "birth stories"** or tales of all the weird things that are going on in there.  You're welcome.

I've never been that woman who's obsessed with babies or content vomiting daily for the greater good, so this is certainly a stressful experience.  We're of course super excited though!***  For now, I guess we just wait and hope patience is a virtue that can be developed.  It can, right?  RIGHT?  ANSWER ME NOW.

*Actually much much worse.  Pregnancy is...kind of awful. Don't let the crazy moms fool you.
**Ew.
***Or as excited as you can be when you've become a human sloth.

Around Here - Winter

We're...

...working: on painting the downstairs living room, on motivating ourselves to paint the upstairs bedroom afterward, and mostly on our actual paid work.

...hoping: I can get better at Splendor (newest board game) or we may  not be playing it much, for no bugs this busy season at work, Scott doesn't get kidnapped at the sketchy hotel he's going  to stay at in Idaho.

...waiting: for our upcoming trip to Cancun (which we just booked yesterday!), for the chips and salsa at said vacation in Cancun, for everything else in Cancun.

...watching: Making a Murderer because we just can't stop.  Whenever I think about it my eyes just get huge.

...learning: about how to use the new Blendtec, that Scott prefers more colors than just gray in home decor (and I'm thinking, what else...is there?), how to use my new photo-editing software.

...reading: Complications (Atul Gawande) and the scriptures (Scott's reading a book about retirement investing as well).

...eating: fewer winter foods than normal but I did manage to squeeze in one soup thus far.  Yesterday we went out to get breakfast for the first time (it might've been our first drive through as well), which was fun.  Turns out if you get a Beto's burrito, you can just gnaw on it all day for all 3 meals.

...laughing: at the grassroots Shakespeare show we saw David in last night, at the weird dreams I've had lately (last night I was wife #2 in a polygamist colony---um, brain???), this video.